When Sinners Say "I Do" - Notes on the Sovereign Grace Marriage Conference

I spent this past Friday evening and half of Saturday with my lovely wife at the Sovereign Grace Ministries Marriage Conference. It was absolutely great!

The event was hosted by Metro Life Church in Orlando, Florida. We enjoyed getting out of the comparatively frigid atmosphere of Jacksonville for a couple of days. For you northerners, this means we went from daytime temperatures in the 60's to daytime temperatures in the 70's. Allow me to gently remind those of you who scraped ice off of your car or sidewalk this morning that jealousy is a sin. (I guess I shouldn't rub it in).

The conference speaker was Dave Harvey, a Sovereign Grace Ministries leader who is particularly well read in theology and a gifted teacher. A few years back, Dave wrote a helpful book called When Sinners Say "I Do."

What follows is a brief (in fact, far too brief) outline of the three sessions . . .

SESSION 1 - SIN

Text: I Timothy 1:12-17

". . . It is a trustworthy statement, deserving full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, among whom I am foremost of all. Yet for this reason I found mercy . . ."

Yes, that's correct, the conference opened on Friday night with a discussion of . . . sin. Not communication, "needs," or love. Not the favorite attention-getting shock topic of Emergents: sex. Nope, it was all about sin - specifically, MY SIN. Not my spouse's sin, but mine. Ouch.

Based on Paul's confession that he was - in the present tense - the FOREMOST of sinners, we were exhorted that one must always guard against seeing himself (or herself) primarily as a person sinned against in a marriage relationship. Instead, one must begin with and remain in the foundational knowledge that he (or she) is a sinner who has transgressed against God in a deeper way than any human being could ever sin against another human being. I must therefore approach my wife's worst sin knowing that we both have already been forgiven for a much greater debt. It was also noted that the discovery of indwelling sin is not an end in itself, but a necessary springboard to Christ, and grace, and the cross. In other words, the bad news about our sin is just the beginning of the Good News.

SESSION 2 - MERCY

Text: Luke 6:27-36

"But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. . . . Treat others the same way you want them to treat you. . . . love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful."

This session focused on mercy as God's response to sinners. Being married to a sinner requires one to imitate God's mercy, and being a sinner makes one a recipient of mercy with a mandate to pass it on. A key emphasis was placed on the need to deal patiently with a spouse's non-sinful weaknesses. Whether it be forgetfulness, physical disability, lack of a particular skill, or some other frailty, mercy must be applied continuously. I was deeply convicted about the lack of mercy in some aspects of my relationship with my wife - a tough but very helpful revelation. For me, this session was a very clear call to repentance, and an answer to some specific prayers I've been praying.

SESSION 3 - GRACE

Text: Titus 2:11-15

"For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Christ Jesus, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from every lawless deed . . ."

One of the key points in this session was that the discovery of indwelling sin and the call to Christian growth are always preceded and followed by affirmations of the Gospel. Note that verse 12 (instructing us to deny ungodliness . . . and to live sensibly, etc.) is sandwiched in between verse 11 (the grace of God has appeared) and verse 14 (Christ Jesus, who gave Himself for us). It was noted that this is one important way to maintain a cross-centered focus while dealing with the very real difficulties of sin and struggle in marriage. Confronting sin apart from the patience and kindness inspired by the Gospel is not the way of grace. The way of grace involves patient instruction.

This session featured quotes from J.I. Packer, John Stott, R.C. Sproul, D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones, J.C. Ryle, Donald Guthrie, and this zinger from Cornelius Plantinga:

"Human sin is stubborn, but not half as stubborn as the grace of God and not half so persistent, not half so ready to suffer to win its way."

To say I was encouraged would be a colossal understatement. I was devastated afresh by the Gospel. Blessedly devastated, in a way that invigorates and motivates toward godliness. There's a paradox in that.

I thank God for my patient wife, for the cross-centered Gospel focus of Sovereign Grace Ministries, for the wisdom of Dave Harvey, for the opportunity to attend the conference, and most especially for the love of Christ that shines in the Gospel of His grace! The Gospel is what's needed most when a sinner like me says "I Do."

Click here for a free download of Dave Harvey's message, "God's Mercy and My Marriage."

Out and About

This weekend, Chris DeVidal and I visited a nearby Sovereign Grace church. Chris introduced me to one of his friends who attends the church, a man from the Netherlands who holds an earned doctorate in theology. When Chris told him I study Biblical paradoxes, the man smiled broadly and replied, "Veech vahns? Der are so many ahv dem."

That deserves a t-shirt.

PARADOX FILES, Vol. 6 - C.J. Mahaney

This time it's C.J. Mahaney of Sovereign Grace Ministries who wins the T-shirt (actually, I gave him an "iron on" version). What follows is an excerpt from his extremely helpful little booklet entitled, Sovereign Grace and the Glorious Mystery of Election (Click here for a free PDF download of the book).

Like many others, C.J. offers a perfect example of the THEOparadox concept: God is great, we're not, God knows the secret things, we don't, so trust Him.

C.J. has had a major impact on me - not just theologically, but practically. He emphasizes a Gospel-centered life, serving others, receiving observations and criticisms from those around us, persistently fighting against indwelling sin, and exalting Christ above all. These happen to be the areas where I have needed the most help (based on the observations of those around me), so C.J.'s ministry was literally a God-send.

Here's the excerpt:

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Out of Our Depth
Election, of course, is a doctrine issuing from the deep end of the theological pool. As soon as we encounter it, we must all acknowledge that we are in way over our heads. This is a place of mystery, a place that spawns a hundred questions, all of them variations on a single question: “How do I reconcile divine sovereignty with human responsibility?” On the topic of theological mystery, I find this quote from J. Rodman Williams most helpful:

“Because all Christian doctrines relate to God who is ultimately beyond our comprehension, there will inevitably be some element of mystery, or transcendence, that cannot be reduced to human understanding. Nonetheless, within these limits the theological effort must be carried on.”

Indeed, God has announced the following non-negotiable arrangement: “The secret things belong to the Lord and the things that are revealed belong to us and to our children forever” (Deut 29:29). As one who loves secrets, my pride does not respond well to such a declaration. So, partly as an aid to my humility, God has allowed me to live near Washington, DC. Here, among the members of the church I am privileged to serve, are a number of people who must be rather secretive about the details of their government-related jobs. Sometimes, when talking with one or another of them, my pride and self-importance rises up, and I begin to crave a little insider access. Why don’t they share some cool stuff with me? Can’t they trust me? Can’t they make an exception for their pastor? To their credit, they never satisfy my prideful craving. Usually they don’t even admit they know any secrets. I can behave the same way with God. I implore him to explain some theological mystery, arrogantly assuming that my brain would not be microwaved by exposure to such divine illumination. But in his goodness, wisdom, and mercy, he doesn’t tell me any secrets, either.
How comfortable are you with the secret things of God?…with the difficult to understand?…the paradox?…the apparent contradiction? Are you at peace in the deep end of the pool?

In Scripture, God has asserted both divine sovereignty and human responsibility, without seeking to harmonize them completely. But they are certainly harmonized in his infinite wisdom, and that should be enough for us. John Calvin offers wise counsel on this matter:

The subject of predestination, which in itself is attended by considerable difficulty, is rendered very perplexed, and hence perilous, by human curiosity, which cannot be restrained from wandering into forbidden paths…Those secrets of his will which he has seen fit to manifest, are revealed in his Word—revealed in so far as he knew to be conducive to our interest and welfare.…Let it, therefore, be our first principle that to desire any other knowledge of predestination than that which is expounded by the Word of God, is no less infatuated than to walk where there is no path, or to seek light in darkness.…The best rule of sobriety is, not only in learning to follow wherever God leads, but also when he makes an end of teaching to cease wishing to be wise.

I believe that Christian maturity includes an increasing comfort with divine mystery and a growing trust in God, so that we can say with David, “O Lord, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great or too marvelous for me” (Ps 131:1). As one grows in Christ, there won’t be less mystery. But there ought to be more humility, that we may be more at rest in the presence of divine mystery. May it be great enough and marvelous enough for us to know that the doctrine of election is sound and reliable, representing the clear teaching of Scripture.

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