Cultish Side of Calvinism?

It looks like another book attacking that horrible, dangerous thing called "Calvinism" has just been released. I won't say anything substantial against the book until I've read it (if I read it). For now I want to consider what others are saying (others who, presumably, have read the book).

Tim LaHaye said this about "A Cultish Side of Calvinism":

“At last, someone has the courage to tie Calvinism 

into the dark side where it originated."

Okay. That was pretty ignorant. He'll have to apologize to God for saying that.  But it was a mild endorsement compared to this one:

“With great skill, submission and sincerity, Pastor Micah Coate has very faithfully brought to light a much-needed word regarding the pitfalls of a deficient and defiant craze with Calvinism. In this outstanding work, Pastor Coate weaves these victorious patterns through his discerning work to show real life in Christ alone, and through none other! When you read this captivating, clear work, it will bring certainty of conviction. This literary work will greatly mandate, motivate, and matriculate you in maturity serving the Master!!!”
-Pastor Eddie Atkinson, Calvary Baptist Church, Beverly Hills, Florida

I laugh longer and harder each time I try to make sense of this paragraph. If the book is half as clownish and senseless as the alliterated endorsement, it will make entertaining reading. But I'd say don't waste your time or money. What I mean is, don't desecrate your denominations of dollars with delusional denunciations of divine doctrine. If you do, you might major on misinformation and matriculate yourself into the margin of magisterial mumbo-jumbo. Ha, that's fun. Sort of like wearing a t-shirt with huge red letters that say, "Pay no attention to me." And then putting a line through the words "no attention to".

Who actually uses the word "matriculate"? How exactly will this book "greatly matriculate me into maturity"? Does that even mean anything?

This sort of book becomes popular simply because many Calvinists themselves - and most non-Calvinists - don't recognize the inherent balances in Biblical, Reformed soteriology.

Anyhow, I'm keeping my membership in the horrible Calvinist cult, 'cause I'm completely constrained and correctly confined and colossally correlated and comprehensively contained and cheerfully changed and concomitantly combined and constantly connected and contentedly commandeered by Scripture.

If you'd like, feel free to leave an amazing alliterated comment . . .